‘Do you want to see it?’ Dating App Opening Lines…

The dreaded dating apps. Opening up your phone and finding a mirage of messages, some lovely and sweet, some naughty and fun, some downright rude and some incredibly creepy… lets dissect them!

I could go on and on and on about the positives and negatives of dating apps, as someone that’s used them before. I think majority of us who have been single at some point in our adult lives have been tempted and given into using apps to meet people. I asked my instagram followers about things that they’d experienced, particularly messages or opening liners that’s been sent to them via said dating apps.

I understand the pressure of curating a message that’s going to land correctly, going to make a good first impression and also get a response. I’ve received my fair share of messages and have definitely made an impression of someone via the first thing they’ve sent.

So lets talk about them! We’ll start with the more positive ones and slowly get worse 🙃

‘I love pretty girls with cute bellies’

This one was actually sent to me and it has been my favourite opening line for a number of reasons. The main one being I am a curvy woman, I have a bit of a belly and for me when a man acknowledges this and praises it, enjoys it, tells me that that’s something they like, I instantly feel a wall of insecurity come down. My weight and my stomach has been huge insecurities for me throughout my life and hearing a man so openly say he loves it, allows me to feel more comfortable.

This may not work for everyone, so don’t go out there commenting on peoples weight or bodies, however this man took a risk and it landed so well. He also called me pretty, so that was a win in my books too. He was actually a heavily tattooed builder whose built like a brick s**t house so my response was ‘I love tattooed builders with big muscles’ and from there a conversation started.

Something I will say was this was direct and forward but it was nice. It wasn’t the usual ‘hey, you okay?’ or the ‘how’s your day been?’ It felt flirty and fun right off the bat and for me, that’s something I like.

“What’s your go-to hangover cure? Asking for a friend… who might be me.”

This was from one of my followers and at first I thought ‘that wouldn’t be a bit of me that’ but they dm’d me the story and I have to say, that line worked wonders! So this is the first message that comes in, and she replied saying ‘McDonalds coke, always’. - I second this, been a long minute since I’ve been hungover but a crispy Diet Coke from maccies is always a yes in my books.

So Mr Hangover was smooth and asked straight away ‘shall we go and get one?’ Now, we both acknowledged that this could of been a very bad move, that getting in the car with the promise of going to McDonalds was a 50/50 split on how wrong this could of gone, but thankfully, he wasn’t a scary man and they went and got a coke, after a 30 minute conversation! They’re still together now and have been for 6 years, which is great to hear.

As much as I love this, and teenage me would of 100% fallen for this, and did which is how I ended up with so many stories to tell in therapy… I feel like now, particularly as an adult and having seen, heard and experienced things, I don’t think this would work for me.

The woman that dm’d me also acknowledged all of this too, that the world can be a scary place and that our safety is paramount, but she took a risk and the risk paid off!

Now, lets look at some not so great ones…

Trust me, I thought I’d heard a lot until these.

I’m not really going to dissect many of them, they speak for themselves.

‘Get your tits out’

Straight to the point I see. As much as I’m sure there are many people that wish just this simple sentence will make someone pull their top down and flop out their breasts, I can safely say I don’t think it works.

‘I have a knife and a cock, and one of them is going in you’

One of my friends sent me this, and I was truly gobsmacked. As much as some of us love a dark romance or have a knife play kink, it’s not a universal experience. To me, this sounded quite threatening straight out the park and I would of been so uncomfortable receiving this. ‘One of them is going in you’ just feels so invasive and not in a way that turns you on. They say serial killers live among us, it’s giving…

‘Show me where you piss from’

This, similar to the ‘get your tits out’ message, I don’t feel sets the best of tones. One thing about this is the fact it’s so forward, it almost becomes outrageous. Now, if this was said to me in jest by a friend or a partner, this I would find funny, but coming from a complete stranger, I don’t feel has the same affect, if anything it comes across like you’re only after one thing, which clearly… you are.

‘I’m going to be honest, I have a wife’

Then go back to her pleaaaaaaase. This has always baffled me, I have also had this message myself in the past and I genuinely do not understand. I understand if it’s a polyamorous or open relationship, then that’s something to delve deeper in, but just the ‘I have a wife, lets keep this under wraps’ is wild to me. I’m not going to go off on a tangent about these things, but if you have a wife/husband/partner, please just have the conversation. Don’t put them through this.

‘You look good.. for someone who clearly doesn’t enjoy exercise’

Thankfully, never been said to me. But I would match that energy so hard, it would be diabolical. This is something i’ve never understood. On what level is that going to impress? On what planet, is that going to make anyone think you’re a decent enough person to get to know or start a relationship? It really does baffle me.

I could go on, and on but I think I’ve had enough for now.. If you have learnt anything for this post, let it please be that your first initial opening line on a dating app or if you’re trying to peruse someone, don’t let it be anything like those last few you’ve just read. Stick to being kind, personable but not personal and respectful. You’re more likely to gain a better response, than asking to see someones puss straight away.

If you want to be involved in things like this, please click the instagram icon at the bottom of the screen and follow both @thebedroombrief and my personal instagram - @millienewman.